


book club buddies

by iamtheegg



Category: Realicide - Grej (Web Series)
Genre: Body Pillow, Coffee Shop, Gossip, I gave up on them being in character about halfway through, Iced Coffee, Jello, Other, Swearing, The Office, bonding over how annoying everyone is, bros, heelys, platonic, sad backstory (sorta), whale sharks rock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtheegg/pseuds/iamtheegg
Summary: Orwellian doesn't have anyone to discuss dystopian literature with. Then he meets Ingsoc at a coffee shop :D
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	book club buddies

**Author's Note:**

> My computer lost power while I was writing this and I hadn't saved but somehow it was still mostly there when I restarted it. Miracles happen

"Guys, come on, it's actually really interesting how 1984 predicted a lot of technology that wasn't around yet, why doesn't anyone else want to talk about this with me?"  
"Do you ever talk about anything besides 1984?" Realistic Realist snarked.  
"What are you talking about! I have a variety of interests. Like The Giver, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World--"  
"Those are all dystopias, you don't do anything interesting."  
"Interesting? Like what?"  
"Well, me and Inverse Realist were binge-watching The Office together."  
"The only interesting episode is the one about email surveillance, and they didn't encapsulate the real reasons governments so often--"  
"Ugh, do you never shut up?" Realistic rolled his eyes. "Your dystopias aren't actually going to happen. Nobody cares."  
"Fine!" Orwellian Realist snapped, storming out.  
After a bit of frustrated walking in no particular direction, he decided to go to his favorite coffee shop. Since there was probably no one willing to talk to him anyway, he put on his headphones. Soon enough he was at the coffee place and sat at an outside table with an iced coffee.  
"Ugh, people are idiots. I can't believe they're binge-watching the Office for the 6th time instead of reading a fucking book for once, that's exactly what happened in Fahrenheit 451. It's only a matter of time until the government bans books!"  
"I know right," a voice said from the table nearby. "So excited."  
"Surprised someone else is actually interested, do you-- SHIT," Orwellian almost spilled his iced coffee when he saw fucking Ingsoc there. Of course, who else would be excited for authoritarian government. "The fuck do you want."  
"I'm just getting coffee." Ingsoc sighed. "I needed to get away from the other anti-realists. They.. how do you say it in oldspeak.. suck ass sometimes."  
Orwellian snorted. "Yeah tell me about it bro."  
"Okay, I will. They're at each others' throats constantly; I manage to keep them from outright killing each other, but they're still so annoying. Darwinist keeps bringin dead animals into the house, Communalist is nice but they keep coming into my camera room uninvited, and Egoist is basically a cat. He does whatever he feels like. Once he sat on my keyboard, like a cat, and refused to move, and I couldn't use my own damn computer for seven hours. The guy's persistent."  
"Damnit I know right. Realistic Realist is a pain in the ass, he never shuts up about facts and logic like he's fucking Ben Shapiro or some shit, and then Inverse Realist is basically the same, and neither of them listen to me, he's all like 'hey Orwellian shut the fuck up, innit' and he has these stupid fucking things on his hands like we get it Inverse you're a goddamn AAA battery. Don't get me wrong, like I'm all for objective truth, if you let people forget it everything just goes to hell, but you don't have to be an asshole about how fucking special you are with your goddamn polcomp glasses!" Orwellian remembered to breathe after saying all that, and breathed suddenly, like a whale shark sucking in water. (Fun fact: whale sharks are sharks, not whales) (Fun fact: whale sharks eat a fuck ton of plankton every day and also any fish that happen to be in their way) (Fun fact: whale sharks weigh about 40,000 pounds)  
"Cheers I'll drink to that bro," Ingsoc said, raising his coffee cup like a toast.  
"You wanna just talk shit about our teammates?"  
"Sounds good. I see a lot of shit on cameras."  
"You shouldn't be watching them like that, that's an invasion of privacy."  
"ThAt'S aN iNvAsIoN oF pRiVaCy I don't care, I'm the party, I watch everyone."  
"Ok whatever. It's none of your business but also I have not had a conversation that wasn't just an argument in forever. Spill the tea bro."  
"Everything is my business." Ingsoc said, staring at Orwellian like a taxidermied coyote. "Anyway. Darwinist totally has a body pillow of Communalist, but he would never admit it."  
"Holy shit. Imagine going out and buying a fucking Communalist body pillow."  
Ingsoc smirked. "That's the thing. He didn't even buy it. The fucker made it himself. He spent hours on it; I saw most of it, it was fucking hilarious. Fuck, I really shouldn't be talking about any of this but--"  
"No dude keep going I haven't heard stuff like this in ages! What else you got?"  
"Egoist put all my cameras in jello once. He said he stole it from the office, but I looked into everyone's backstories, he's never worked in an office. So I don't know what's up. Also he just got heelys from eBay and now he never fucking takes them off, he heelys everywhere. He said that 'stopping is a spook' so he just runs into a wall or something when he wants to stop. Communalist fixes most of the things Egoist breaks by heelying into them, but it's still a real pain to deal with it all."  
"Good thing we got coffee, right?"  
Ingsoc nodded. "Definitely. But enough about us, I want to hear shit about the anti-anti-realists. How are they doing?"

**Author's Note:**

> aight if I ever get around to continuing this fic they're gonna talk shit about the anti-anti-realists and then eventually some book club is gonna happen! but this might never get continued so yeah


End file.
